Friday, May 27, 2011

I'm still alive, promise

But my computer is dead.

And my sister has the camera.

Which means no bloggy blog for me.  The fact that I really have nothing new to tell you makes me realize I really have no life =/.

This week has flown by and for the most part I've done everything I planned to do.  I had a great week at work, although it got pretty crazy.  Since next Monday is a holiday I don't have any of my Monday classes which means this past Monday was our last day to practice.  Ah!  I love the day off but it makes me nervous that there is a whole week that they're not going to practice and then only a few more times that they'll get to practice the dance before the performance.

I feel like a horrible teacher saying this but I think all of the dances are as good as they're going to get.  That does not mean that they're perfect... at all.  No, I just mean that I feel like there's just no way that some of the things that are wrong with the dances are ever going to get fixed.  It's just impossible to get everyone to turn the same way as everyone else and for everyone to go at the exact right moment, etc.  So I'm not going to stress because there's really nothing I can do about it at this point.

My leg is starting to feel a lot better, I'm thinking a week, maybe a week and a half and I'll be back to my normal self.  I can't tell you how much I'm craving a run!  I've gotten a lot better with the elliptical and I even enjoy it but I just can't wait to get out on the open road again.

I'm looking forward to a full and exciting weekend.  Tomorrow after gym and subbing for a ballet class I'm heading off to the lake to go kayaking and sailing with Rachel and my brother Philip.  We'll probably picnic there and there's a good possibility we'll have dinner out somewhere.  This is all in celebration of my birthday on Thursday.  I'm not big into celebrating birthdays so I usually don't plan anything or ask for anything specifically.  I don't even tell people it's my birthday, I just don't like all the attention.  I'm really excited that I thought of something that I actually want to do on my birthday though.

What are your plans for the weekend?  Anything exciting? 

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Where is the grass the greenest?

Hey guys, it's been awhile.

I've had an interesting couple of weeks.  Last you heard from me I had mentioned that I was having strange calf/shin pains.  Well those strange pains/tightness escalated pretty quickly and at the beginning of May my lower leg let me know that running on it was no longer an option.  I grudgingly decided that a week off was a good idea.  I assumed that after a week of completely resting I would be feeling much better and would be able to jump right back into running.  Unfortunately, by the end of the week I hadn't done any exercise and my leg was actually feeling worse.

After a lot of research I decided that what I was feeling must be a stress fracture.  Stress fractures take about 4-6 weeks of rest to heal.  Lets just say that facing the fact that I wouldn't be running for over a month was not something I wanted to accept.  I hate doctors and tend to avoid going at all costs, especially when it involves being there for hours on end or travelling from doctor to doctor which is what I would have to do to confirm the stress fracture.  I haven't gone yet but hopefully will make it in soon so I can either confirm or deny my self diagnosis.  In the meantime I'm "resting."

After my first week of rest I was really down.  I assume it was the lack of endorphins and the idea that I wouldn't be able to do what I love for a long time and that it was completely my fault that I was in the situation in the first place but I was just so bummed.  I know I have a lot to be thankful for.  A stress fracture is really pretty minor compared to some running injuries.

After a lot of thinking I decided that I was going to have a good attitude about the whole situation and take it as an opportunity to examine some things. 

I don't want to get into it too much but after years of struggling with an eating disorder running has really saved me.  I care much more about fueling my running than about staying thin or losing weight.  I know that running has been really good for me mentally, physically and emotionally.  However, I've allowed it to become an idol in my life.  I spend a lot of my time and energy thinking about running and trying to get better at running.  I usually tell myself that it's okay because it's such a positive alternative to where a lot of my energy and thoughts went before.  What I really want though is to spend as much time and energy getting to know the God who I claim to love.  I should be spending as much time talking to God, reading the bible and getting stronger spiritually as I devote to running.

So that's where I started.  This helped my attitude immensely. 

So where is the grass the greenest?  The grass is not always greener on the other side. It is greenest where you water it.

From there I talked to Rachel who works at a gym in town and she got me a free month membership.  Since then I've been spending a lot of time at the gym.  Me and the elliptical are getting to know each other pretty well although I certainly wouldn't call us friends.

It feels SOOOO good to sweat again

At the beginning of the week I could only make it through about 3 miles on the elliptical - I tell myself i can run for miles and miles on end so why can't I make it more than 3 on the elliptical.  I don't know but I'm working on in.

It IS kind of nice to be able to go whenever I want and not just be restricted to really early morning or evening.  I can go before work, after work, that awkward 45 minutes between jobs.

And I'm learning all sorts of new skills...

Like how to take pictures of myself in the mirror  


And how to balance the camera on the door for the automatic timer self pics
I miss running and I don't think that's going to change but I'm determined to make the best of this time off, strengthening my spiritual life and some hardcore cross training.  Best of all - I'm learning to rest before I'm forced to rest.  I love my body and I'm going to take care of it.